A Keeper? Or Not?
Is This One a Keeper?
Read the article in the Metro News Canada!
Is she nice to wait staff?
People who are jerks to servers are jerks. End of story.
Is he good to his mother?
We don’t mean obsessed with his mother or gay, but
caring, kind, remembers her birthday, treats her nicely, calls
regularly, good to his mother. A man who is nasty to his
mother will eventually be nasty to his wife.
Do your friends like her?
A good friend probably won’t want to rain on your parade.
If he feels strongly enough to express his concerns, hear
him out. If your friends like her and more importantly, like
you when you are around her, that’s a great sign!
Does he do something nice when he doesn’t have to?
A man in love is thoughtful. Men in love do all those things
that men who aren’t in love don’t. They call, they
remember, they buy flowers, they go out of their way to be
wonderful, unexpected and romantic. Don't kid yourself,
men who don’t, aren’t.
Does she have a life and friends of her own?
Is she clingy and needy? Does her world revolve around
you or does she have friends, family, priorities and
ambitions of her own? She’s a keeper if she demonstrates a
comfortable balance that shows she cares about herself as
well as you!
Does he have long-term plans that don’t depend on
winning the lottery?
If he is 19 and living with his parents while he’s in college,
that’s cool. If he is 30 and living in his parent’s basement
with his collectibles and some weed, that’s not cool. He
doesn’t have to be an investment banker or in med school,
but he should be working toward his dreams, whatever
they may be.
Does she take responsibility for herself and her choices?
Is everything out of her control and nothing ever her fault?
Grown ups take responsibility, learn from mistakes and
move on. Resiliency, maturity and a positive attitude are
very useful traits you should look for in a keeper.
Some Keys Signs to Get Out While You Can
Too much, too fast
It’s been a week and she is picking out baby names.
Extremely quick professions of deep attachment and
commitment signal scary neediness and perhaps worse.
Maybe it’s love at first sight, maybe he’s a psycho. Slow
down.
Too physical
He puts his hands on you too much. Maybe it isn’t violent,
but feels vaguely oppressive. Controlling, excessive
touching can be a warning sign of physical abuse. We don’t
need to tell you that physical abuse is not to be tolerated,
by men or women, ever.
She hangs all over you, is draped over you in public.
Annoying to watch, more so to experience. Although she is
much less likely to abuse you, this says “I’m insecure. This
is mine and I need everyone to know it.” Personal space in
public is a sign of social skills and respect. Holding hands –
OK, humping – Not OK.
Your friends don’t like him
They’re not jealous, they don’t want him, they just don’t
like him. Think about it.
Guy friends usually maintain a code. They won’t tell you
they don’t like your girlfriend unless they really hate her. If
they mention it, it must be really bad.
Not everyone has the most sensitive friends or has the
best relationship with their family, but if you trust your
friends and family and they don’t like him or her, don’t
ignore what they have to say.
What he does ≠ What he says
My mother taught me one very important fact, love isn’t
supposed to hurt. It took me a very long time to believe it,
but once I did, I was ready to have a healthy relationship.
Someone who loves you calls when he is says he will.
He should treat you sweetly no less than 95% of the time
(everyone is entitled to be cranky once in a while). He doesn’
t say that you matter, you feel like you matter. It goes both
ways. If she flirts with your friends even after you’ve asked
her to stop, her ego matters to her more than you do. Kick
her to the curb.
Drama queen (or king)
She thrives on turbulence, drama, gossip and chaos. Every
month brings a new pregnancy scare. Everyone at her job
is out to get her. She’s not happy unless she is miserable
and everyone knows it. Her highs and lows exhaust you.
Maybe she is bipolar, maybe you should dump her.
Humiliating
We’re not talking -- embarrasses you, acts silly, farts,
dresses funny, we mean -- says cruel things, verbally
attacks you, makes you feel small, turns on you, uses a
secret against you or says something nasty out of
nowhere. Absolutely, unequivocally, unacceptable.
Run, don’t walk.
Women (and men!) who would never allow someone to hit
them somehow rationalize verbal abuse. Neither physical
nor verbal abuse should ever be tolerated or excused.
However, leaving an abusive relationship can in and of
itself be dangerous. If you need help, there are many
resources. Here is one to get you started:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://www.ndvh.org/
Read the article in the Metro News Canada!
Is she nice to wait staff?
People who are jerks to servers are jerks. End of story.
Is he good to his mother?
We don’t mean obsessed with his mother or gay, but
caring, kind, remembers her birthday, treats her nicely, calls
regularly, good to his mother. A man who is nasty to his
mother will eventually be nasty to his wife.
Do your friends like her?
A good friend probably won’t want to rain on your parade.
If he feels strongly enough to express his concerns, hear
him out. If your friends like her and more importantly, like
you when you are around her, that’s a great sign!
Does he do something nice when he doesn’t have to?
A man in love is thoughtful. Men in love do all those things
that men who aren’t in love don’t. They call, they
remember, they buy flowers, they go out of their way to be
wonderful, unexpected and romantic. Don't kid yourself,
men who don’t, aren’t.
Does she have a life and friends of her own?
Is she clingy and needy? Does her world revolve around
you or does she have friends, family, priorities and
ambitions of her own? She’s a keeper if she demonstrates a
comfortable balance that shows she cares about herself as
well as you!
Does he have long-term plans that don’t depend on
winning the lottery?
If he is 19 and living with his parents while he’s in college,
that’s cool. If he is 30 and living in his parent’s basement
with his collectibles and some weed, that’s not cool. He
doesn’t have to be an investment banker or in med school,
but he should be working toward his dreams, whatever
they may be.
Does she take responsibility for herself and her choices?
Is everything out of her control and nothing ever her fault?
Grown ups take responsibility, learn from mistakes and
move on. Resiliency, maturity and a positive attitude are
very useful traits you should look for in a keeper.
Some Keys Signs to Get Out While You Can
Too much, too fast
It’s been a week and she is picking out baby names.
Extremely quick professions of deep attachment and
commitment signal scary neediness and perhaps worse.
Maybe it’s love at first sight, maybe he’s a psycho. Slow
down.
Too physical
He puts his hands on you too much. Maybe it isn’t violent,
but feels vaguely oppressive. Controlling, excessive
touching can be a warning sign of physical abuse. We don’t
need to tell you that physical abuse is not to be tolerated,
by men or women, ever.
She hangs all over you, is draped over you in public.
Annoying to watch, more so to experience. Although she is
much less likely to abuse you, this says “I’m insecure. This
is mine and I need everyone to know it.” Personal space in
public is a sign of social skills and respect. Holding hands –
OK, humping – Not OK.
Your friends don’t like him
They’re not jealous, they don’t want him, they just don’t
like him. Think about it.
Guy friends usually maintain a code. They won’t tell you
they don’t like your girlfriend unless they really hate her. If
they mention it, it must be really bad.
Not everyone has the most sensitive friends or has the
best relationship with their family, but if you trust your
friends and family and they don’t like him or her, don’t
ignore what they have to say.
What he does ≠ What he says
My mother taught me one very important fact, love isn’t
supposed to hurt. It took me a very long time to believe it,
but once I did, I was ready to have a healthy relationship.
Someone who loves you calls when he is says he will.
He should treat you sweetly no less than 95% of the time
(everyone is entitled to be cranky once in a while). He doesn’
t say that you matter, you feel like you matter. It goes both
ways. If she flirts with your friends even after you’ve asked
her to stop, her ego matters to her more than you do. Kick
her to the curb.
Drama queen (or king)
She thrives on turbulence, drama, gossip and chaos. Every
month brings a new pregnancy scare. Everyone at her job
is out to get her. She’s not happy unless she is miserable
and everyone knows it. Her highs and lows exhaust you.
Maybe she is bipolar, maybe you should dump her.
Humiliating
We’re not talking -- embarrasses you, acts silly, farts,
dresses funny, we mean -- says cruel things, verbally
attacks you, makes you feel small, turns on you, uses a
secret against you or says something nasty out of
nowhere. Absolutely, unequivocally, unacceptable.
Run, don’t walk.
Women (and men!) who would never allow someone to hit
them somehow rationalize verbal abuse. Neither physical
nor verbal abuse should ever be tolerated or excused.
However, leaving an abusive relationship can in and of
itself be dangerous. If you need help, there are many
resources. Here is one to get you started:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://www.ndvh.org/
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Ready to dump him?
Here's how...
Here's how...